Every once in a while, I guess we will somehow lose our sense of direction, be it in responsibilities, characteristics or life. Failure to carry out orders, failure to do the right thing and then, failure in achieving what we want. Then every now and then, we make changes to overcome those flaws and weaknesses. The true courage is to actually confront and accept those flaws but not conforming defeat to it. Some would go head on with their flaws and fear but others, may choose to succumb to it. Thats where every accumulative issue, both resolved and not, will decide the end product of an individual. There are issues that we cannot see now and then, we have those we won't be able to see at all until it comes right at you with a hard bitch slap on the face. Hopefully, by then, it's not too late...
I got lost recently. And I'm serious when I said that. I know some might be referring it to swimming lessons. (You know who you are buggers :P) In other words, I lost my sense of direction. Why now? How do I know? I see the change in me..nope, I SAW.. Its not funny anymore when you start screwing up in every thing you do that you once thought you would be able to handle so well. You fuck up even more and then you can't see the light out of this. You fall deep and then deeper. You began to lose your loved ones around you and then, you start losing yourself.
I believe so firmly in what I did was right every single moment but instead, I was actually defending the wrong reason. Instead of heeding advices, I rebut and deny them at all cost even before it could even go past through my thick skull. Such an idiot. After all these time... I've no idea to what extend the damages are. But I hope its not too late. My stubbornness definitely got the better part of me. Regretting will not do anything right now. Nor sulking or whining about it would either. Changes has to be made. Sacrifices as well.
Honestly, I really don't know whether will I get myself back on track but I pray I would. With your aid I would too. Well, there's nothing more that I really can say cause if its all talk and no action, pointless. Am just posting this up to let out and let know to those dearest at heart, I'm sorry.
Do note that I'm writing this up in an optimistic way and not the other way round. :) I know, this post seemed to be wrapped up in a bag with the tag -negative but trust me, its just me voicing out. Oh well, baby steps from this point onwards. Shitload of changes to be made.
Oh one more thing, Thank you to those who slapped me by the way.
2:22 PM
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